Okay, it isn’t quite official. But I officially have all of the worry, angst, fear, excitement, and nervous energy so I’m counting it.
And as I sit and listen to people talk about my new house, it dawns on me that I have no idea what I’m doing. Conversations about paint colors, fridges, and doorknobs – seriously, half hour conversations about doorknobs! – made me realize that I’m not sure I’m the homeowner type. I care very little about where the silverware goes and I never change the pictures on the wall and mowing the lawn has literally never been a thought that has crossed my mind. I see a spider and go ‘eh’ as long as it doesn’t get in my way, I have never even considered vacuuming stairs and I once thought it’d be easier to just eat off paper plates than do the dishes for a week. Yes, ain’t I a homeowner.
Except soon I will be. And I’m afraid that my house will look like a crayon box threw up because I LOVE color and that all of my furniture won’t match but not in the eclectic way but the ‘garage sale threw up’ way and what color do you even paint a living room so it doesn’t clash with your purple couch? I’m afraid I’ll leave the gas stove on and I’ll blow everything up. I’m afraid I didn’t budget correctly and I really can’t afford it. I’m afraid of something breaking and being unable to call the maintenance guys – what do you mean now I’M the maintenance guys?!
But I’m excited about cooking in my kitchen – making a horribly big mess as I finally try out the complicated gluten free recipes in my cookbooks and on pintrest (today I found a recipe for periogis – Yumm!!). And having a nice, quiet room where I can go write and attempt to be brilliant, painted any other color than stark, depressing white. And a backyard that I can go sit in on the very rare occasions that I decide to soak up the fresh air. And my huge walk-in closet – I like that too! And being stable and having a HOME – I might have to worry about how I’m going to afford it and how I’m going to fix it but I won’t have to worry about where I’m going to live. I’ve found it.
If only I could find a butler/maid/chauffeur who works for free, my life would be perfect. 😉